Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
