I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
