my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
