i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
