I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Randomize
