She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
