You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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