as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
