can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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