I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
