he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
