what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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