Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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