Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize