Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
