1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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