Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
