This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
