planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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