I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
