Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
