rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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