oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
