Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
