I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
