Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
