Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
