I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Welp...herpes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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