I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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