Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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