Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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