I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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