i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
