he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
