ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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