Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
