my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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