Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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