I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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