Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she peed on how many people?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
