my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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