I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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