My first STD was from a foam party
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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