Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
