my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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