She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
