Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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