I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
