i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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