I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
