LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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