I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
