I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
