Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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