His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
