so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
