i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
