I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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