How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
