I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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