Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
