can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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