I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I smell like Dick and happiness
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
