I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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