there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
