Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
