Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
