I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
