Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
