You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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