Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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