I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
