Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
