saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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