I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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