He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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