every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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