It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
