Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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